


Words Cannot Amount

by TeaLovingTooru



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ASL Instructor Lance (Voltron), Angst, Five Stages of Grief, M/M, Mute Keith (Voltron), One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaLovingTooru/pseuds/TeaLovingTooru
Summary: Grief... what is grief and who are we to define it? Well, some have an idea and while there is a scale, it's never very pinpoint on how one goes through it. But in the case of Keith Kogane, he may just have some help finding out.





	Words Cannot Amount

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the art: 
> 
> http://corbeaucreations.tumblr.com/post/173226357092/another-piece-i-did-for-the-klance-reverse-bang

According to the eloquent Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, there were five stages of grief. Everyone has heard them by now.  _Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance._ Now, it is not such commonly thought that the stages are spent out on things other than death, it seems. At least, that's what he had been told his entire life. You see someone going through the Big Five? They were probably in mourning... or dying themselves. That was the theme. Hell, the novel she had written was inspired by the patients she was working with that were dying, lives ending, but leading onto something greater. Was that not evidence that it was something meant for those dying...?

 

And yet... here he was, not dying and he was being shown that damn model. He could not stop wondering if this was really his life. He had come for a check-up and... now he was being told that he was losing his hearing? No. This is ridiculous. 

 

"Are you sure there isn't some kind of mistake-" He looked to her, practically pleading as she sighed sadly, shaking her head and blowing at a silver strand that got in the way. "Allura, this-"

 

"Keith. I know, this is fast and you didn't expect this, but... these things happen-"

 

"No, no, they don't! I'm not going deaf, Allura, that's crazy! I came in today because I keep hearing ringing and I have headaches' and now you are saying I might be losing my fucking hearing!?"

 

"Hey, Keith-" His brother had finally spoken up, putting a hand on his arm, not commenting when the younger brushed it off. "Keith, stop yelling at her, she's just trying to help you."

 

"Telling me I am going deaf isn't helping me at all, because it isn't happening!" He snapped, looking at the two of them with a warmth in his eyes that he refused to acknowledge as what it was; wetness. "Allura, can't you check again, I mean hell! I am twenty-three years old! I can't be- this isn't... no..." 

 

He found himself slumping back, body slipping back onto the seat of the doctor's office and resting his head on the back, attempting to let the tears drain back. "How is this even possible...?"

 

"Well, Keith... it appears to be gradual, you know... it is permanent. You can get a hearing aid and we will set you up with someone to teach you ASL, of course. Yours seems to have been... present for a while, just undiagnosed? In children, it is caused by things like congenital abnormalities or infection and in adults, it is typically trauma or overexposure to loud noises. I cannot say, exactly, how bad it will be... but I can only assume that it will lead to complete hearing loss, the way things look now."

 

"Is there any way to stop it? Or fix it?" Shiro asked, looking like he was having a bit of a time grasping this as well. 

 

"I'm afraid not... these things kind of just... go as they do."

 

"So there is no chance for it to just... get better or go away?" 

 

The two were talking, words spewing from their mouths that Keith was no longer listening, watching their lips moving with a feeling he didn't recognize creeping up his spine. He stood up on shaky legs, not caring that it wasn't really good to walk right out of the middle of a doctor's appointment. 

 

"Um... I am going to go- I need to get out of here." 

 

And then he was gone.

 

He couldn't explain what exactly it was he was feeling, some sort of numbness in his heart and head that had spread through his whole body, leaving him with nothing but a cold feeling.

 

* * *

 

The following weeks were nothing but full of disbelief and hate, Keith running away from everything that seemed to be getting thrown in his face. He had started revisiting an old habit from his middle and high school days, climbing out of his window and up onto the roof, knees pulled to his chest, watching the stars and trying to will the bad away. 

 

He felt utterly ridiculous, a grown man like himself sneaking around in his home, avoiding his brother and every single one of his friends. He didn't want their concern or their pity. He didn't need to be pitied. If this was truly happening, he needed to be fixed, not cried over like his mother had done. What would the tears do...? Make him only feel more helpless? Like he had something to apologize for...? It was ridiculous. 

 

He was angry. 

 

People kept talking to him about something that wasn't happening, something that didn't concern him, trying to scare him. It was insane. There is no way any of this was happening. And yet, there he was. He was being forced to go to therapy, to talk about how it made him feel. He was being forced to keep going to routine medical checkups. He was even being forced to learn a whole other language with some damn stranger, even though he knows he would never use it. 

 

He'd been told by Shiro that his teacher's name was Lance and that they were the same age, a factor Shiro had liked, because he figured that maybe Keith could become friends with this guy. Keith was sure he wouldn't. 

 

It'd been about a month and a half since his original diagnosis and his first lesson with this... 'Lance'. 

 

He was sitting in a white plastic chair, arms crossed and looking at the floor, wanting to tug his beanie over his ears every couple of seconds because for some reason... he was feeling self-conscious. But then a door opened and a man stepped in, tall and tan, looking like a physical version of summertime. Keith already hated the sunny disposition he was giving off. 

 

"Hello! I am Lance, you must be Keith!" He greeted, crossing the floor and holding his hand out in greeting.

 

"Unfortunately." He had mumbled under his breath, looking strangely at the extended hand Lance had offered him, not knowing if he should shake it, but taking it eventually, allowing his hand to be moved and then dropped once more. 

 

"Oh, don't be like that! I know this isn't like... the most fun way to be spending a Saturday, but hey, it could be worse!"

 

"Why, because I could already be deaf and not need these stupid fucking classes?"

 

That made him frown.

 

"Hey, man-"

 

"God, this really  _is_ shitty. But y'know, I kinda have to be here, doctors orders, so-"

 

"Keith."

 

"I'm not going deaf, but nobody seems to fucking understand th-"

 

"Hey!" He snapped, making Keith look up to be met with concerned eyes that were also laced with a bit of frustration. "I understand what you are going through and I know that you are... probably in denial and don't want to hear that, but... you can't take it out on everything else."

 

"Really? You understand what I am going through? I am supposedly going deaf and you, a clearly fully hearing guy, understand?"

 

"My little sister is deaf, thanks. I saw her go through this same thing. Except... slightly different, because she was born without it, but. Y'know, growing up, kids would bully her for it. For her hearing aids, or for the fact that if she  _did_ speak out loud it sounded odd to them. And she would break down sometimes. Hell, she still does. And I have had to talk her down. I may not know it in my personal body, but I know it. It sucks." The man before him sighed and Keith felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. "If you really have to... pretend you are learning sign language because... because you want to expand your interests." 

 

And he was a bit shocked.

 

This man... who he had just met... was genuinely trying to make him feel comfortable. He didn't think the man truly understood how he felt, but he still appreciated the thought. And so he just nodded.

 

"Alright! Wanna get started on the basics, then?"

 

* * *

 

In the last two months, it had become a daily standard to meet up with Lance, save for Sundays, because he apparently went to church with his family. He had been making very good progress, as he'd been told, but he wasn't sure if that was actually true. 

 

He didn't know if it was because of what Lance had said to him, about pretending he was just broadening his horizons or if maybe it was just Lance himself. He was an interesting fellow, always brought snacks to the lessons and would always ask Keith about how his day was going, if he was feeling good and even offer up his own stories to pass some time if Keith got frustrated and wanted to take a break. He was ridiculously understanding and at first, he'd thought it to be pity or something of the sort, but that didn't really fit the blue-eyed teacher. He just seemed genuinely friendly, capable of seeing the best in people, despite bad first happenings. He assumed Lance must be a lot more mature than himself.

 

It was also because of Lance that he began to think about his situation.

 

He'd told him all about his little sister- well. All of his siblings, but the deaf one is who made Keith truly think. She'd never gotten to hear the sounds of music, a swelling symphony... she had never heard her mothers voice. It was heartbreaking and Keith supposed that for that, he is truly fortunate. He has had twenty plus years of the sweet sounds, filling his mind. He was terrified, because if this was really happening, then maybe he would be alright.

 

After all... he had Shiro and he had Allura. He had his friends, who were being supportive and even learning ASL themselves as a way to show how much they cared. And he had Lance. When he was with Lance, he could almost forget how shitty everything seemed, that anything bad was even happening.

 

The man was teaching him to sign, for Christs' sake, but... it almost felt like time had slowed, like it wasn't actually happening, but in that, it had helped him realize that... maybe it was and maybe it'd be ok... even if it was scary. Because he had the support... right?

 

* * *

 

 

Keith didn't know what it was about today. He didn't know what it was, but he was feeling pretty low. 

 

Well... he did know what it was.

 

It was truly setting in what was happening, he was, in fact, going deaf and he was, in fact, feeling quite depressed with the realizations of what it would mean for him.

 

And so he sluggishly walked to the building he and Lance met at, putting his head against the bricks until the other man got there. And then he realized that it was a Sunday. So he could have kept his depressed ass in bed and just... not. 

 

But he pulled out his phone and he was about to call his brother, asking him to pick him up, but he heard:

 

"Keith?"

 

_What?_

 

"Dude, what are you doing here? It's Sunday."

 

And then Keith was turning around, facing the man whose voice he could pick out anywhere for now...

 

"Hey... I forgot today was S-"

 

"Are you ok? You look... sad?"

 

"No. I'm not."

 

At that moment, Lance did something unexpected.

 

He stepped forward and hugged Keith.

 

And Keith cried. 

 

He was finally, finally done lying to himself. 

 

He was supported by this person and he could be honest.

 

* * *

 

 

For reasons that many cannot explain, bad things sometimes happen to good people. No one deserves it, no one deserves to feel like they've done something to award such a terrible pain. However, all you can do... is push past those feelings, let them wash away and accept. 

 

It had taken quite some time, a lot of emotion and many, many tears, but finally, Keith had accepted it all. He was living this life now, hearing slowly wearing out to a think nothingness until he too could no longer hear the swelling symphony. But he remembered it. He could remember the sounds, he could feel the music in his bones and though it was sad, he couldn't help but think that it was one of lives many mysteries. 

 

It's been nearly four years since original diagnosis, about two years and seven months since it really, truly gave out. He had become accustomed to life, going through his day to day, hoping in his commonplace that someone would know sign or that he would have a hearing companion with him. 

 

Of course, he felt helpless sometimes, but he couldn't say that it would last forever. He was sure in his body and heart. He was going to be ok. He had such amazing people around, a great partner in the form of someone he had once called a teacher and was a pillar of support. 

 

Keith was... filled with the notion that words cannot amount. 

 

Because all they are... are words. 

**Author's Note:**

> : )
> 
> I'm sorry, this is really garbage, I was hysterically stressed when writing this, which means that I didn't get to put in as much time as I might have wanted to? Because of things like exams and the like, so hfjbfjdfhnjdfndj. I'm sorry-


End file.
